thinking about....

while everyone is packing up to leave for college.
i'm getting ready for the start.
not moving at all.

my dad thinks i need to mature & become an adult.
i think i have.

I was so happy to go to IUP.
it was the HARDEST decision to tell IUP i wasn't coming.

i just think that i could be packing to go up there.

i just wish i could show him i am maturing.

life.

wow. it's august already.
i hate the month of august.
everything bad happens to my family in august.

45 days until my birthday though.
can you say legal? :)

one thing that is happening this month is that my big brother Chris is leaving for 4 months for boot camp. I don't want him to go but i know its what he wants so i'm going to stand behind him no matter what....
all i'm going to say is that i'm going to miss him more than he will ever know.

second thing that is happening is physical therapy.
cute guys. :)
that's all im going to say about it.
that's why i love it.

got all my classes done for nova. :)
even yoga.
even though they don't think i can do it because its so quiet.

& one last night.
guys/boys whatever you want to call them.
theres one in my life that is making me so confused that i really don't know what to do.
i guess all we'll ever be is friends with benefits.
:(

day 2.

day two of surgery.
i have been doing my exercises & icing my knee.

it feels really weird to just sit.
so i've been watching tv, texting, writing notes, reading and facebooking.

i'm really bored.


tip of day:
don't assume.
it makes an ass out of you and me.

the new chapter in my life.

My graduation present was getting surgery.
they we just taking out some fluid but they didn't expect my knee cap being chipped & something else that i forgot.

I really don't remember anything about my surgery just getting the iv and then waking up.
I have been sleeping & eating on and off since 3 pm.

It wasn't as bad as i thought.

hopefully i don't kill myself with these crutches. :)

Tip of the day: don't get hit full speed in hockey.

thanks to all my friends who helpped me. :) :)

the end is near......

My senior year is coming to end. 2 more days & then the senior pool party.

At one point i don't want it to end but at the same time i do.
I love all the people i've met during these 4 years.
No matter what I will not forget all the great times I had with you guys.

Go far in life with whatever you do. <3

it's not goodbye. i hate goodbye. See you later.

It's see you later.

yesterday was probably the hardest day for me in a while.
I had to say see you later to one of my brothers friends, Lance.
It's hard to say see you later to someone who has been a great friend to your brother & your family.

Lance was about to turn 40 in a month.
He loved to run. He could run forever if he wanted to.
He was the first high school student to be able to run cross country after his 19th birthday.
He was looked up by many little kids.
& it's sad to have him leave us but he his in a safer place.

He will be missed by everyone in Special Olympics. Lance's attitude was beyond words.
He was a leader.

I just want to decidate this post to all the people who have impacted my life in someway & who i have had to say see you later to.
Amanda Post. 5.17.09
Corey Summers 08.'07
Ross Lawrence 08.'08
Keith Urban 01. '08
Uncle Warren 3.25.10
Lance G. 4.18.10

I <3 you guys. I miss you so much.

It's not goodbye. I HATE goodbye.
See you later.

with life comes choices.

When i decided to not get surgery in April and delay it to play lacrosse my senior year i didn't think it would be this hard.

Lacrosse is good don't get me wrong. We've won three games so far. (we won our first game in four years!) i know. I'm doing the best i can in goal but...

there's always a point that my knee feels in pain forever. it feels like its bleeding but it's not and it feels like its out of place.

but you say "why didn't you get the surgery?"
CAUSE i'm a senior & I wanted to play my last year & i didn't get to play last year.

peace & <3
GO PENGUINS!!!

finding out who my real friends are.

When those situations come up that you don't know how to handle it. Who do you text?
I text people i know who could help me and won't make me mad at them.

These two people know who they are are.
Without them i think i would die.
Alex: just talking to him makes me happy. :) come june 25 or 26th he's teaching me how to play chess while i'm on bed rest. i love you alex.
Michelle: Wow where do i start. we've been friends since 2nd grade. we have been through so much together. [What's a discostick?] good memories to come. without her i don't know where the fun in my life would be. I miss her so much. come back to the park. :)

Thanks for being apart of my life guys. I love you guys so much.

Fearless

if you know me you would know that i don't give up. I keep trying NO MATTER WHAT!.

but this time i really don't know what i did.
I have done all you have asked. Taken hits for the team. I take what you say and i apply it. I don't ignore you. I might not be the best goalie but i'm getting there. I'm TRYING!
The game we played Wakefield (our first win :) I told everyone I was starting because the other goalie wasn't at practice so she couldn't have started the game (which i really wanna find that rule) but when you called out the other goalie's name to start my heart sank. I had lost all hope.

i DIDN'T change my surgery date & ignore my doctors orders to be the bench warmer. I chose lax over beach week. What do i have to do to make you see that I WANT TO PLAY!!! give me the chance to show you what i got.

i'm not quitting. i never give up. i'm not going to start now.
all im asking is to start one game.
Quitting is not in my dictionary.

I have taken so many bruises from the team & yeah i say ouch cause they hurt but do i tell the other goalie to come in for me. HE- double hockey sticks. NO! i shake it off and have them shoot on me again. Even when i get hit right on the knee cap. (those things hurt) & the other goalie doesn't even have one bruise on her.

scholarships, school, crazy life to live.

Wow this week went by fast.
This weekend was crazy.
Thursday night we had a game against pot falls which didn't go well but we played our hardest no matter what the score was.
Friday i went to see my sisters team play. they lost.
Saturday morning practice as usual. Then we went to my brothers softball game and from there we were suppose to leave straight for laurel Maryland for my brothers hockey game....well in my household plans don't always go as we expect it too...
My brother tripped running in from 3rd base to the dug out and sprained his ankle. so we had to go to the hospital. (of course.) but usually were there for a good 4-7 hours we were out in 2. We didn't get to the game that day and he wasn't allowed to play today. but he has one more tournament this week which he gets to miss Wednesday & Thursday.

I'm going to learn how to skateboard. i don't know how or when but i am. before graduation I'm going to skateboard. watch me. hopefully i don't go to the hospital. :)

Hope all is well.
Peace out. :]

my day.

i have this scholarship due tommorrow but im waiting to do it.
i got to see one of my old friends.
:]

is this really happening.

*I keep telling my parents that i need to get the fasfa form to be completed in 8 days!!! but yet they don't listen to me. :/ it's been 4 months now & there complaining about the cost for IUP well this will help.
*my knee keeps hurting but that's nothing new.
*i have a lot of new bruises thanks to my new abusive family my lacrosse team.

days in counting:
GRADUATION -> 75 days!!
Knee surgery -> 77 days. :/
18th birthday with griffin <3 :] -> 161 days

My life :]

Lalalalalalalala.
*so many things to think about like college, sports, school, boys &&& PROM!
*I GOT INTO INDIANA UNIVERSITY OF PA!!! im so excited. it's ify if i can go because of the cost but im just happy i got in!! & i can play hockey!!! BALLIN'
*Senior year is AMAZING. I love my friends.
*I miss my friends at ashburn especially griffin. hahaha.
*Lacrosse. Oh lax. I'm the goalie. if you know me you can see all my battle scars. (as i call them..)
We WON our 2nd time this season. :] I played more than half the game but it was hot as crazy outside. 8-7.
*I miss my favorite guys. i miss the Sunday nights with them. they were the best.

well.....
peace for now. :]